Social media and mental health

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to this episode of so what’s up? This week I’m with calf, Rebecca, and Sam. And we’re going to be talking about mental health on social media.
So social media and mental health has quite a bad rap at the minute, especially with everything really going on with has not been able to go outside and spending a lot of time on social media. And yeah, I just wanted to get the team together really and see how everyone else finds it. So Sam, how do you how do you feel spending most of your time online?
I mean, it’s kind of something that I wish I didn’t spend as much time online. On really, I think social media brings a lot of, you know, good things about things. Obviously, we’re gonna discuss all them. But yeah, I just was it’s a it’s a good topic to discuss.
I think we were just talking about before I hit record and what our average screen time was. And all of us, obviously work in marketing and social media is a huge part of especially mine and Rebecca’s roles. And I think Sam and Kathy are a little bit less exposed to it because you don’t sit on it all day. But do you know what your average screen time is?
Quite high, I think but it isn’t. It isn’t all social media. No, mine’s more up games.
My average average time of day on social media is four hours and I think it was 32 minutes. And LinkedIn is my biggest one.
Yeah. It is a time waster.
It is a time waster. I mean, just looking for people sales dribble on there or less. But yeah, Rebecca, what’s your average screen time.
And my whole screen time command is two hours and 55 minutes, which is actually quite good. That is quite good. But I know I make an effort to try and not go on my phone as much because I sit on my laptop all day. And I can spend six, seven hours on there. So I want to go home. I’m like, No, put it away. Make the effort to not sit on tick tock and like say just scroll through endlessly. Yeah, no,
it’s it’s definitely a killer. And I think I think it’s just hard to not be exposed to it all day. So I actually spend more time on my phone than I do on my work laptop or even my normal laptop because I do know Yeah, do quiet that work from my phone, especially with like sending emails and stuff. And then I you really bring the laptop out if it requires me to like write something on there. Because I suppose I suppose of like having a phone, everything’s just so easily accessible all the time. And it’s like the notifications and then like send support an Apple Watch as well. And it pulls through. It’s just an endless.
It’s a lot easier. I desperately wanted a laptop, but now, I don’t use it as much as I thought I would. But certain things you still have to use on there. Yeah, definitely work properly
on the apps now, especially Netflix.
I much much prefer Facebook, and LinkedIn on my phone now.
Yeah, no, I think Facebook on the desktop, there was just so overwhelming. Like talking about social media and mental health. I think Facebook is just one of those where you just go on there. And it’s just a barrage of useless information. And it’s like information overload as well, like, especially how it’s set up. Now. It’s got like a game centre, a video centre, a sharp centre. And it’s just yeah, I don’t know. It’s It’s weird how I guess Facebook is starting to be used now as well. It’s more for like, private groups and stuff. Like I notice that you’re, you’re part of quite a few groups on there, aren’t you? Yeah, groups
and pages and all sorts of different things. And a lot of it, I think he’s habit as well. Yeah, I’ll be flicking through and then I think might have caught up with everything. And then I put my phone down and then 30 seconds later pick it up again and open Facebook and why have I just done that? Yeah,
I think there’s a I read an article recently as well about this thing called context switching. So it was like a productivity article. And it was basically saying now that because our brains and our brains have got used to how we use our phones. So for example, I go on there in the morning, and I look at like LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram emails, and like I do all that open space of like 10 minutes. And then I’ve got so much information that’s just like spinning around in my head. And it’s like, now whenever I go too deep focus on something like I actually have to get myself in the mood to like focus on something. And it’s because like our brains have got so used to this slight thing called context switching because you just switching from app to app to app name.
Yeah, definitely. I did want to deactivate Facebook. I decided there’s no point I don’t need it. And I was about to do it. And James said to me, you can’t do that people unless you move split up. So I said, Fine. Okay, then. So I’ve kept it. And I did try looking at it a lot less. And I’ve just got way back into the habit again.
Yeah, I think this is key, isn’t it, it’s just habit. So I think, I guess we’ll come towards the end and like tips on how to limit social media usage. And like, some of the things that like we’ve all put in place to like help with our own mental health, especially like to safeguard the sort of stuff that we have to do, especially with me being on it all day. Like, I genuinely do not think that if I wasn’t on social media, as much as I am in the way that I am, I don’t think I’d be as good as my, my job is, I am like, because
it’s very relevant to what you do. Yeah. So you pick up you know, you have to be using it for posting things but you also pick up news and new things.
So you gotta be quite reactive. Yeah, in your roles to stuff that comes out in say, last half an hour
you’d know about it and then I’ll probably find out a week later but
yeah, definitely. And I think as well like with was especially like with meeting the workshops with clients and stuff that I do are actually teach them like how to use channels and like how to optimise their content and stuff on there. Like the way that I’ve kind of like found it with like content creation is I have a framework that like I’ve used pretty much for like the last two years while I’ve been doing this role, the framework of how I create and like kind of strategize around the content ideas I’m doing hasn’t changed at all but the channels change every single day. And the only reason that I know that and I can kind of like adapt to it is because I’m in them every single day to see it when it happened yeah both for work but also like for pleasure as well. I think we’ve locked down what kind of like really stuck with me was that it was I found it really hard actually free lockdown because like before before lockdown obviously I was still working in marketing and like working on social media and stuff but I could kind of like go home and chill and like I’d call my friends and like like see them outside but then during lockdown my social life moved online as well. And then it was kind of like a double whammy because I kind of saw it as like work and then I didn’t want to talk to my friends as much and then I felt like really kind of alone and secluded because I got like
that down I kind of didn’t want to be on the social media talking to people for some bizarre reason I don’t you think with all the spare time that we had yeah do it more but actually did it less? Yeah,
I think so as well and I think it was nice to actually like have a break from it but then you’ve got the double like it was a double edged sword really? Because then like your relationships with people start suffering Yeah. And then they think like because I was always on it before like why Chelsea not talking to me like Have I done something wrong? And it’s like actually now I just feel super burnt out from like, being on it all day at work and then having to like basically do it again for another eater.
Yeah, when you I think it can feel quite daunting sometimes trying to keep up with everything and feeling like you need to be seen
I read something the other day and they said it how ironic it is that social media is designed to bring people together and maintain connections but actually increase uses makes you feel more lonely definitely depressed anxiety, things like that. So it’s kind of doing the wrong
thing. And I think because so this is something I was thinking about over the last few months people put their best selves on don’t they so you take the selfie 16 times or you change the angle or you quit to tidy up before the back you know there’s a background showing in your picture filters, filters, the works and I did decide that I would start posting the crappy pictures and the bad things just not quite plucked up the courage yet. I will do Yeah, but you know sometimes I’ll take a picture oh my god I think that’s the one I should post really? Yeah. But I haven’t quite gotten there. It will be coming soon. I think
with that like so whenever I go out with my friends and stuff like I have barely any pictures with my friends because like I’m so they’re like in the moment and I try my best to be and like actually enjoy the situation. But then I’ve got friends that are like oh can you take a picture of me and then it’s like I ended up being like the sodding photographer on like a girls trip.
We discovered this actually, I think it was on one of our birthdays that me and a few friends literally no photos together. And it’s like we don’t see each other. We do there’s just no evidence
so one of my friends I’ve been friends with now for like eight years and we’ve not got we’ve got one picture together literally just one and she’s like my best friend and like she’s probably as close to me as a sister is and it’s insane. And then like over friends because they’re the type of people to like want to take pictures. Like I have we put you
off, doesn’t it? I think so. I had I’ve got one friend and we were saying you know we haven’t had Got a picture? I think the last one was before locked down. And then before that probably about three years. So we made a point when we could go out for coffee outside, we took a photo.
I think it just goes to show you though, like how I guess curated people’s lives are because if you looked at like our feeds, and it would look like we’re so much close to those people that we just happen to have more pictures where Yeah, whereas like, in reality, it’s not that true.
No, it’s just happened to be there when your photos taken not necessarily part of it.
And I think when you start to look at things through that lens, it kind of shows you how like, kind of curated it can be. And I think as well what’s helped me with seeing the kind of like, lack of authenticity on social media, is because I’m obviously optimising clients social media every single day. Yeah. And then like, I’ve had friends as well come to me like, oh, how do I get more followers on my personal account? Like, what should I be doing? Like, should I be like, kind of posting on Instagram? Like in a in a rhythm? And like, what times are the best times to post so people are asking me to help them optimise their personal feeds,
which I find a bit strange. And I think that the constant need for gratification isn’t you want people to like it. You want people to comment nicely, you want praise? Yeah, definitely.
And I think when you start to see that then and then like, people are optimising their feeds, and they’re getting like, I guess 300 400 500 likes just on like a picture of subjective really, isn’t it? It’s addictive, but then like, you start to compare yourself to them. Definitely, like, on my Instagram, I’ve had to, like turn mine into private, like, for a few reasons, really, like free like family jobs and stuff. And like the professions that some of my family members work in. But like, if, before then, like I had the pressure of like having a public Instagram feed, and I actually work in social media. And if I was only getting like 25 likes on a picture, and then I had a friend that like, I don’t know, works in teaching and gets like 500. I feel like that showing me off, like I work in this field, like I should be getting more likes, and then it makes you kind of feel a bit crappy about it,
which is crazy, because you don’t need to promote yourself.
Not on Instagram anyway.
There are other channels for that.
But no, I think when it kind of when you boil down to it, like the lack of authenticity, and then the comparison culture that that brings, like, it’s, it’s weird, because it’s such on such a big level as well, I suppose 20 years ago, like everyone’s always compared themselves to other people like it is normal. And that’s kind of the way that our brains are wired to
a person before you didn’t have a picture to dwell over. Yeah, so like he
kind of it was only people really like in your vicinity. So I guess I kind of like the Joneses down that road had like a new car and like you’re still driving like one with a rage that’s five years old. And it would be that sort of thing, where it’s like, now, you can’t get away from it. And they just can’t get away from it or turn. It’s like people that you don’t even understand their situation or like the sacrifice that they’ve had. So they
could never, ever know what’s behind. Somebody, you know, could post the happiest of things and look happy. But behind, you know, behind closed doors, they’re really, really struggling and they’re trying to hide that fact. Yeah.
And I think like, there is, I think social media, it can be quite good. Because obviously we had mental health awareness week last week, and people were trying to raise awareness of it. But even then, like I find quite a lot of the post quite performative. And especially when you go on to like some platforms like Twitter, and it’s kind of like people are trying to like outdo each other and use have like the worst experience or like, kind of just, I don’t know, it’s like, almost, they kind of compete against each other.
Yeah, I think I’m looking at the different posts. I mean, I don’t really use Twitter. To be fair, I briefly look at it every now and again. But you see people post their stories and their things and you think, Oh, should I post mine? And maybe I should be more out with my own struggles. And then you think what? Anyone want to hear that? Well, I don’t know what it help someone I don’t know. Yeah. And you do you worry then about whether it’s right or wrong to do that. And then you do see other people doing it almost in a gloating way. Yeah, it’s strange,
I think especially like we’ve there’s a lot of talk at the moment isn’t there about burnout and hustle culture. And like all these people are wearing like the kind of stress and anxiety and burnout as like a badge of honour to prove how hard they work?
Yeah. And it’s not necessarily anything to do with that.
No, like, because I am happy. I’d happily say like, I I work quite a lot of hours, but I’m genuinely so passionate about my role. Yeah, that doesn’t stress me out. What stresses me out is like the expectations around kind of like having to get back to people like friends like pretty much instantaneously. Yes, it’s that sort have stuff that all like the kind of need to share huge life events on there. And like basically the lack of privacy that comes with it, especially like if you’re quite a reserved person, which like, I am naturally, like, I don’t really like telling people what’s going on in my life, but they expect to see it. Now this is like an insistence that like, everyone shares everything. And it’s all over Instagram and stuff. But I think you had a few good points on this, didn’t you, Sam about like, how celebrities are being treated at the moment. And like how this kind of, they’re just always expected to be on and like, kind of share their best selves, especially around like football and things like that. Yeah, exactly.
So I think just getting back to you, your comparison culture part, I think, I think people feel like, obliged to show every part of their lives no matter how big or small it is, you know, people are buying houses, buying cars having having kids or whatever you feel like you say, obliged to, to show that way. I’m really, I mean, safe. I mean, I don’t look at Instagram followers or anything like that, because I just I keep the people who I want to be close to. Close to me on other things. Yeah, I mean, so say, like Facebook, or messenger, and Snapchat and stuff. And, I mean, you can, you don’t have to show the 300 people, or however many people, your friends on Facebook, you know, Christy, you don’t need that verification. So people you haven’t spoken to for like five years since you went to school, or whatever. So it’s like, so there’s kind of like, a whole? What’s the what’s the point? Really, because, I mean, just, it’s either they’re showing off to you, or you’re trying to, you know, show off to them kind of like, look how successful I am. But you don’t really interrupt them more, necessarily. You know,
there’s an element of, for me anyway. I didn’t have a happy time at school. So sometimes when I post things, it’s a bit of a sticking your fingers up going well, actually.
Yeah.
Yeah. Which is, which is also great at the same at the same time. I mean, just getting back to the whole celebrity life, I feel like if you’re someone like a reality star, so if you’ve been on Long Island doors on one of the shows like you kind of your life is then your brand, as well. So
not your life anymore.
Is it? Exactly. It’s it’s
somebody getting the impression that fans think actually, you’re just doing it for them. And yeah, you’re not entitled to your own life anymore.
Exactly. And to try and make yourself more interesting, or your brand more interesting or ever. You kind of have to be like, Yeah, I’ve got this car. It’s it’s very fast and very nice. Yeah, yeah, we were saying,
like you said about love Island, I admit, I’d have started watching it. And I came to it late in life. And I still repost. And about a month or so ago, about two of the people that had been on it, and they broke up. And they felt the need to both put an individual statement out. I mean, they’re known to call them celebrities, they were just on love Island. Yeah. And they felt the need to put the statement out saying that, you know, nobody was at fault. And they’re still friends and all this kind of thing. I mean, that’s quite sad, really, that they felt the need, they had to do that, because
you got to explain to the doing
something so personal, so personal to them, none of our business,
I think, like, even because obviously we see it, but then I see that with my friends and stuff when they like kind of split up and things on there. And like, it’s almost like because I was in a in a long term relationship, like a few years ago. And then like before we broke it off. Like we decided not to take it off Facebook until we could tell the people that like yeah, we’re close to us. Because one thing that I didn’t want was to like, have it taken down and then like, but I wouldn’t have shared that I was single on there anyway. Hello. I didn’t want people to like see that it wasn’t. And then to start messaging me asking me if it was okay, because it was kind of like, oh, no, but just don’t cry. And then, but then over things as well, like so how you were saying about school, like how you kind of like use it as a stick two fingers up at people like I’m the exact opposite. Like if someone has been really mean to me, then I don’t want them knowing anything about me
that so I’m not friends with any of the people that do the bother. So it’s irrelevant anyway.
But like Mine’s more kind of like, I try to block people and like, I don’t want them on there. But then when it gets to like so, I’ve always been quite lucky, like no one else has ever really been mean to me apart from like once in a professional setting. And then that’s like, Well, I kind of can’t take those people off LinkedIn because then it would actually bring to light about the situation. Yeah, so it’s kind of like I don’t know, you feel like stuck between a rock and a hard place like you don’t want these people to like, see what you’re up to, and kind of like what you’re doing anymore. But then you you kind of can’t stop them?
No, not really, because the most they can find things out about you. However private your social media is they can still find certain things, depending on what you do for a living as well. Yeah. You know, for like your company website and things like that.
And especially on LinkedIn, because like, with me being part of like the business development team here, like, I have to talk about things that we’re doing, and like any coaching, yeah, I kinda need to, it’s like, part of my KPIs is, every time like, I post something like I’ve had to really get over in my head, because like, we’ve been quite a private person anyway, like, I’ve had to build up this resilience to actually like, talk to people online, and like, kind of share my thoughts and my opinions, which, like, being a young woman, especially like, it can be quite hard at times, especially when you think like, there’s been so many people that do this role, like, for longer than me, and like, they’ve actually studied the subject, whereas like, I didn’t study marketing, I just started working like I fell into it. You kind of feel to yourself sometimes like, well, what gives me the right to offer my opinion on this? Yeah. And it’s, it’s quite tough, but like, I’ve I’ve toughened up a lot recently, and like I do you now share my opinion and stuff. And I think I’ve known a few people. I’ve been trolled a bit on LinkedIn. Like, I see it as a badge of honour, and
I’m not thick skinned enough.
Like, yes, I’ve annoyed this man by saying something completely irrelevant. It’s, yeah, it’s one of them, you just have to know,
so far, and it’s just improved your engagement rates on the post anyway, so
good publicity.
But I think with everything going on, then at the moment, like with social media, we’re starting to get to a point now, like, they are actually starting to be pulled up on what they have to do to help people with mental health, like, so I can remember my generation was like the first generation to really grow up with it, like around 10 years ago. Remember, this one’s like I was just sat at school with my friends. And then like, this massive fight erupted out of nowhere, like on the lawn, and like, that didn’t really happen at my school. Like, it was quite a good one. And like, it just came out of nowhere, there was no kind of like, build up already found in usually, like when things like that happen, you get like rumours and like, so and so’s meeting, like, come on watch, but like, it just erupted out of nowhere. But it had all been going on on Facebook, right? So there was no like, it kind of all happened online. And then like alluded to this, like big thing. And like teachers didn’t know how to deal with it, like parents didn’t know how to deal with it, because they didn’t never had to. Whereas like now, when kind of, I’ve got quite a few friends that are teachers like they’re hot on social media and stuff in schools. And like now social media channels are being held to account rarely for the way that they’re allowing people to behave. And I think Rebecca has done some research into how they’re actually well, trying to help people with their mental health now.
Yeah, so Instagram is testing this new thing, basically, on direct messages. So it’s got a predefined list of like phrases, or words, which are classes like, could be harmful to someone or discriminatory or so they’ve got this list. And if you get a DM off someone, it goes into a different inbox, it’s hidden, okay, you’ll never see their messages, I think you can switch the feature on or off. But then you’ve got a choice of seeing them if you want to put you in control of if you want to see the messages or not a good idea. And then Facebook and Instagram are also testing whether they want to hide likes this comparison, you’re on about like, if your friend gets 500 likes, and you only get 25, the testing actually not seen likes. So it’s just people have like this. There’s no cameras involved, it’s more of like a it’s it’s not comparison, it’s not figures and analytics. And so yeah, that’s, that’d be quite a good thing.
And that, again, I think will affect the people that thrive on the competition of it.
I think my kind of thing with that is like, How the hell am I going to, like, give value now to clients?
Unless you can see it yourself. But yeah, you
can still see it yourself. And a lot of influencers come out and said, Well, this is harmful to me and my personal brand. Because if Prettylittlething come to me and say we want to work with you, how do they know how many likes I’ve got unless I tell them? So I think they’re testing the features whether you can you can search it? Yeah,
I suppose we ought to have the choice really? Because otherwise it’s a little bit dictator, isn’t it?
I think so. Yeah. But then also you’re going to have the thing where like, you can turn on or off but then the people that actually get the good metrics are just going to keep it on. So then the people that aren’t in gonna turn it off, and then it’s kind of like defeats the point.
Yeah, I mean, YouTube gives you a similar a similar kind of metrics that you can turn off your like dislike ratio on videos depend obviously, if it’s turned off, usually it kind of hides what might not be as a more popular video as what the kind of wants, it says it might have a lot of dislikes. So they kind of try and make it look a bit better than theirs. But you can do on that, which I mean, it’s all just helps to, to help see a lot more clarity on, you know, to yourself, rather than trying to be like, Oh, well, this, you know, I’m losing relevancy, especially if your, your whole role or your career is based on being proactive in the online space. Yeah.
I’m quite glad that Facebook and the light didn’t come about until I was in my 20s. So I didn’t have to deal with it at school. Yeah, I really don’t think that would have helped me in any way. Yeah, I feel sorry for kids growing up with it. Luckily, my daughter only really is on Instagram, and Snapchat. And she barely looks at those to be fair. So luckily, it all washes over our head a little bit. But I know other kids at school have been on Facebook since they were way too young. Yeah. And I just I just don’t think it’s healthy.
Now. I think it’s also way too, like, yes, they set these kind of like age limits on this. So I believe, well, when I was younger, you weren’t allowed to have a Facebook account until you were 13. I think
that’s still the thing, but people just put, you can
just new chatting.
I mean, my daughter’s 13 Next week, she’s already got these accounts already got Instagram. Which you probably shouldn’t. It took me a while to allow her to be fair. She was I think after a lot of her friends. But I don’t think she got any interest in Facebook. So I’m quite glad with that.
Yeah, I think there’s a lot of I think one thing that we haven’t touched on actually is kind of like how people are so different online to how they are in person. So like, people are a lot more kind of polite or like they wouldn’t say boo to a goose the face and then like as soon as it comes online, like it’s they’re just relentless. Some of
the groups I mean, and some of the things I see. It just, I want to go on there and you know, just put a meme on saying just be nice. Just just be polite to people, you can have different opinions without laying into them. And that that really gets to me. And I think if it was aimed at me, I would take it really really personally even though it isn’t entirely and I don’t think people realise quite what they’re doing.
No, I think a lot of people now do you kind of feel like a bit provocateur ish like they don’t really they can get very personal very quickly. Yeah, so like instead of I don’t know if you if me and you had like a debate on there or something like I know you wanted you preferred like the peloton bike and I thought the peloton tread was better, like Yeah, like that sort of
Yeah, then like, but it is really petty things that people argue over,
but then they get sued personally. So I’d be here like calling you all names under the sun just prefer a different exercise.
That’s just crazy.
It’s just yeah, I, I think you’ve summed it up. It’s just crazy. But people feel like they’re, they’re allowed to do it. And they’re able to, I think one thing that kind of helped me with that, though, to be fair, like, so I studied English at uni. And we had to do this whole kind of like thing about what it was called, like the death of the offer. And basically, as soon as anything, anyone puts anything out there, like Be it a book or a poem. Like, it’s so open to interpretation. And I think that’s helped me realise that, like, I can have the best intentions with like, anything that I bought out. And I could really want it to be valuable, I could want it to be helpful. But I have no control whatsoever. If someone wants to come on there and call me like all names under the sun because they don’t agree
I was having a conversation. I can’t remember who it was with that might be my mom about texting, what’s happening, whatever, and not reading the tone. Yes. Now I’ve got one of my friends. We’ve been friends since high school. I’m not gonna say how long and we know each other that well, but we can read our tone. We know what the punctuation you know, if there’s no punctuation, it’s a really bad mood that kind of, you can just tell from the words and the tone. But then other people you can’t, but you think you can do you’re reading something and you’re like, Oh, they’re really annoyed with me. When actually they’re not at all. They’re just in a rush. Yeah. And it’s going to be the same on social media. You don’t know the intent behind it, unless it’s spelled out in black and white and no one’s going to do that.
I mean, Donald Trump’s quite explicit in his moods, isn’t he with his tweet?
That’s probably one that’s quite obvious. I think a lot of the time, you know, you don’t necessarily shouldn’t She knows someone really, really well. You’re not going to be able to read the tone 100% of the time.
No, there is something
on radio on this monitor. And if anyone else said it, but about putting kisses on the end of text, yes. So whether it’s acceptable whether you do it to strangers if some woman called and she said I wouldn’t dream Purina full stop, because that to me says angry. And that’s just literally a full stop.
Yeah, isn’t it strange? Yeah.
He says, Good punctuation, but
that’s me. I prefer I like punctuating at me. I probably over punctuate. Yeah.
But no, it’s so strange actually, like what you’re coming to mention it because then you’ve got other people that like some cases, like on the end of like, Facebook comments and stuff. Yeah.
I mean, I’m not. I don’t do it as a rule, but sometimes I do. And I don’t know what makes me do it on what makes me not do it.
I’m so inconsistent. We’re very late. Sometimes people get live for and then the next day, they just get like one with an exclamation pot.
And sometimes I’ve done that. And I thought, well, I’ll put a kiss there, and I haven’t put it there. Oh, do you think they’re gonna be annoyed with me? Thank you, Lois.
I had one once I had a manager that had like, send me a text with like a kiss on the end, but then wouldn’t send my colleague one with a kiss on the end. And then they were like, well, you’re obviously the favourite, then it’s like, I don’t think it is.
Yeah, sometimes it’s
kind of you just kind of sync to who you’re talking to, as well as if you’ve interacted with a lot of times you kind of just, you kind of know how to speak to people. And
my best friend was I
don’t do it with me either. But also as well, it’s really strange. Like, we’ve like some people like so for example, like in my head, I’d never ever send you a text with a kiss on the end, Sam, because you’ve got a girlfriend. But then like another guy that I’m friends with single, like, I probably want something nice.
Sometimes I put the kissy face emoji instead. To me, that seems better. I don’t know why.
One of the best things I have with my girlfriend is when we’re texting I can always tell if she’s in like she had like a bad day or something. Oh, she’s me because she just went pot tax on Casey’s on the end of the tax. And we always we always like we always laugh about it so so she I don’t think she’ll mind me saying this but yeah, but yeah, it’s it’s he kind of like with that I understand what the tone of it isn’t like what is going on for days
when she comes home
it’s just preparation. Preparation
wise really? You know, just say
well, maybe stop off at Morrison’s and grab some chocolate.
It’s a win win to be able to analyse it’s just sounds really robotic. It really isn’t that deep.
I think yeah, you just get into the swing of it, though. Dangerous, like,
it depends what you’re talking about as well. Yeah, lucky we have an emotional conversation or something like that. Oh, well, you know, if it’s your shopping list, you might not put kisses on you know, I think
See, I’m the more like, I kind of like try and offset like a practical message. Usually me telling someone what to do with a case. Whereas if it’s emotional, away, it’s really well it depends
what you want from the person as well. Yeah, to do what I’m telling them. A bunch of them up a bit, maybe focus.
But then sometimes you’ll see people online who do when they’re often a little self online, say on Twitter, for example, and it shows replies to put one on the handout to spite there’s nothing nice or considerate in that in that case at all. It’s the opposite of fact.
I’ve not seen it done like that.
So basically then what we’re saying is punctuation and kisses are just the whole reason behind mental health.
Yeah, I know I’ve seen it you know, I’ve heard people say Oh, I only got one case does that mean he’s gone off me? No, I mean,
really? Cuz you know I before him obviously like there’s not really that many rom coms out nowadays where they actually like bring stuff but like, you know, the classics like How to Lose a Guy in 10 days. And that’s the sort of stuff that like they should be talking about now. Um, rom coms, like analysing people’s like Tinder profiles. But yeah, I mean, on my date, it’s just a whole other kind of like, yeah, just maybe not one for this podcast, but a whole other. Yeah, that’s a whole other podcast. So we’ll we’ll throw in only funds as well in that one.
knockdowns given that a bit of a boost.
So takeaways then on maybe how people can use maybe how they can kind of like adapt their social media usage until I maybe help with a mental health like what do you guys do?
I make sure it’s a positive place. So I don’t want to go on Facebook or Instagram or wherever and feel and come on. Have it and feel negative. And no, I’ve done it before we kind of like self sabotage, you go on there and you think, why am I scrolling through this person’s Instagram? Yes, I’m constantly comparing myself. So trying to make a space where it’s only positives, blocking people who might not have a positive impact people have, have got no real relevance. Don’t bother following them, like make it a place where you go, and you can connect with people and maintain relationships that are positive people that you care about and actually interested. That’s what it’s intended to do. If you’ve got family abroad, you don’t see.
That’s it? Because I mean, I live 200 miles away from all my family. So I like to see what they’re doing. Yeah. And I’m inherently nosy as well. And we’re like to see what anyone’s doing. To be fair, you know, I am not nosy. But I really should go through and delete people that I don’t essentially don’t know. Because, like you say, they don’t bring anything to me, either. But then on the other hand, the whole thing goes to my mind. Well, if I delete them, and then they realise then are they going to be wondering, wondering what they’ve done? So then I just take it to a whole nother level.
Yeah. So you kind of overthink the overthinking this. Yeah, no, I’m with you on that one.
Maybe send them a case first and then delete.
So excited by Do you have any tips? Um,
I mean, maybe I’d say I probably use the social medias algorithm to my advantage. So for example, say for on Tik Tok, for example. I guess it is not, there’s a lot of positive and negative content on any platform you ever go on. It’s just how things get clicks and reactions and just how they work. But yeah, so I would tick tock I kind of just like the content that I want pushed to me. So if it’s something you know, relevant, like football f1, or something like that, then that’s kind of the primary contents, I’ll then get saved in the future. Yeah, I don’t, don’t get saved. Similar things. That has like as much like negative, because there’s, like, you’ll find there’s a lot of people that just call out people online as well. So if you start, you know, like, that’s quite a negative, a negative kind of content to post on regularly. Obviously, it’s controversial. So I’ll do the the numbers that they need for it to become successful on, give them reason to keep posting that content. But then if you don’t interact with it on Tik Tok, or something, you won’t see as much of that content in the future, you might still see from time to time, just because it’s trying to always constantly learn about what you want to see. But you can’t you know, you kind of just get a base premise of what our video is probably going to be about. So you can just skip past it. Yeah. But um, I could say a Facebook and stuff. I’d like that the kinds of people and pages you interact with, seems to come up first, as well as if you’re kind of viewing it intermittently as well. So that’s kind of that’s kind of what I do I just insert the content that I care about anything else kind of gets in Southport, just, I mean, the whole comparison has been a big underline subjects in this, which is one of my worst traits. I kind of always always comparing what I’m doing in my life and and where I am, in my career and stuff that people whoever they are, yeah, just like all, you know, while they’re doing this role, and on this age, they’re this age zone for years, so many years between you’re okay, because if you start to consume yourself, it does, it does weigh heavily on you,
it can eat away at you.
Yeah, definitely. I think like, one of the best things that I done is, so I went to counselling about like 18 months ago. And that taught me how to reframe things. So now if, like, ever, because I used to struggle with like, seeing people who were my age, and like, they were doing this, and like, this person got this job out of university, and I was like, I have no idea what I want to do. Like, and even now, like, when I see people that are a lot more kind of like, I know, they appear to be more successful than I am. That word appear is really Yeah, it’s like I kind of reframe it in my head because obviously, like, I suppose, you see how glorified startups have become, and like having your own business and being your own boss, but like, I also know that like from working in a relatively young agency previously before I came here, like the MD There like she used to make sure that everyone else was looked after more than herself like she used to sit like the worst ask it was like right by the window and she was always freezing. And it’s like when you see things like that and then you actually see the other side of it and like how much that person’s like a sacrifice and and how hard they have to work to like kind of get to where they are. And I suppose it’s like also seeing people at different stages of the journey, because then like I came here Yes. like a kind of 15 year old agency, and it’s like, James can like be a counsellor and like, do all of that. But then actually, like when you start talking to you, you realise it was like 10 years before he even took a holiday. Oh, god.
Yeah, we didn’t have family holidays. I mean, I had, obviously, we started marketing, and then I’m pregnant with me. Yeah. And I was in hospital the week before she was born. And then I had to stay in for two weeks. And then I was back at work. Yeah,
yeah, rich and rich. And James will always say that these Well, this might be an understatement. He used to work 16 hour days or whatever. So you go and then then go home.
Home either, that’s the other thing. And it’d be quite constant. It took a long time for it to get to a point where we could almost be like the nine to five. Yeah, not obviously, there are issues that crop up that you do have to deal with out of hours. But the very beginning there was there was no, out of our day, you just can’t switch off Kenya, you can’t know when I think, you know, we started off in the old building, we should probably arrange some kind of visit their
marketing Museum. Yeah,
exactly. Like, you know, when it was just me and James, I think maybe Rich’s. Well, we didn’t actually have any heating in there. Yeah. So I’d sit there with one of those gas fired, fired radiators between with eyes, you know, a normal coat. And then look at us now. And you think, wow, can’t imagine that. But everything has to start and you build up. And it’s easy to look at what we’ve got now and think, wow, that just was handed to you on a plate kind of now. And that really isn’t the case. So I think that’s one of the things when you say people appear in a certain way, you don’t know what it took to get
there. No. And I think like now whenever, like, there’s any hardship or stuff that like I kind of feel like, I’m getting free because like, I work really, really hard. And I work quite long hours. But like, not just with soap, but like not saying that they weren’t me to chat off. But like, with, like, personal projects and stuff that I have, but like, that is me choosing to do that. And I know that like if I carry on doing it like hopefully it’ll pay off. Yeah, no, but like,
if you put the work in, and that’s essentially Yeah,
but then like I see over people, like all my friends going out and stuff and like having a fun time. And then like, I guess we might really touched upon like, FOMO, like fear of missing out. Yeah, and all the stuff that that can bring. But it’s just, it’s just an absolute minefield, like the kind of like emotions and like the triggers, I guess that social media can bring up definitely.
And it doesn’t it you know, you can see certain things you think, Oh, I couldn’t do that. Oh, look at them. They’re really good at that. Well, I’m a failure. Yeah. And, and when you really not, you know,
and because it’s just there, it’s a constant. And never leaves. Yeah, you know,
and it’s one of those things, isn’t it? You you scroll through and you put your phone down and then a half an hour later, you’re scrolling through and you see it again. It doesn’t just disappear, because you’ve seen it once.
No, it kind of comes back I think. But we’re back had such a good point, though. And even some, like kind of curating your feed. Like that’s what I’d call because I spend a lot of time on social media, like you can tell from my screen reports. Like, I’ve had to though because like I’ve Yes, I’ve developed a thick skin but like, I’m also human like I have bad days. And I like I kind of do what Rebecca does, like I don’t really interact well do what Sam doesn’t don’t really interact with anything. If I do see it in it’s like negative. I actively go out of my way to like block people and like unfollow people if like it’s going to trigger me like I don’t look at certain things. So if I wake up and I’m feeling really anxious one day, I won’t look at the news. No, and I won’t go on Facebook or Twitter. Because all it is is news and it’s just knowing yourself I think you have to get to that level where you really know yourself and what you can handle that day.
That’s true. That’s a good point being self aware and knowing what your emotions are because
yeah, it’s tricky because like I said before, a lot of it is habit now. It’s been around that long it’s just part of your day, isn’t
it? So it’s just like you say it’s a part of people’s lives now. So wake up and probably the first thing you go on Instagram Facebook, maybe before you even get
your phone up Have I missed anything?
Yeah, this is it. And I think like one thing that I will say especially if you have like iPhones like I can’t talk about any of the phones I’ve never had a different phone but like you can limit your screen time you can like kind of put on Do Not Disturb at certain times and things like that. So like I’ve got quite good now actually setting up my tech to stop me from being kind of like detrimental to myself. So I do Do Not Disturb goes on around nine o’clock and then I spend like the last two hours of my night. Unless I’m in a mood where I know that I can hack being on like WhatsApp and stuff and talking to people. I spend the last two hours of my night from nine to 11 like reading and I try not to go on tech before bed.
See I found myself I’m reading And I get to the end of a chapter I think right our best check my phone. I don’t know why, because nothing’s happened.
Yeah, I think it’s just weird isn’t a kind of traps that you fall into. And then like also, I also have Do Not Disturb turn on until half, eight. So I don’t get notifications from like nine till half eight in the morning, which means that like if I wake up at seven, I don’t see them for the first hour and a half. And I can actually start my day in like a mindful way.
I actually changed my phone that I was keep it silent because it’s always going off. But I had it so it was vibrating. And a few months ago, I changed it so it didn’t make a noise or vibrate or anything. And actually, that was quite calming. So then it’s only you looking at it when you choose to look at it. Yeah, that’s quite a good
one. Yeah, no, I like the idea. But now there’s so many different things that you can do, I guess to actually help with things. And if you do want any help with optimising your social media feed or if you just want to get in touch and chat about a little bit more of us, just let us know. But thanks for listening and hopefully you’ve enjoyed this one because we have